Lost in her own thoughts of how hard the last few days have been for her the cleaning became mechanical as her mind raced on. Thoughts of her past, present and future. Wondering where she would be heading, what the future would bring for her, more of the same?
Trapped now and then in your own darkness struggling to get out? Her thoughts became jumbled and confused, like her head was a giant maze and she needed to figure out the correct path.
She labored with conviction as her thoughts rambled on. The cleaning became feverish like the tension and jumpiness she felt lately was coming out in her hands. Working on the old piece to see if she could make it new again
New again, she thought. Seems like I have to do that a lot, make myself new again. After each episode of pain, when my body attacks me. Making me feel useless and so very old and tired. New again, each time my mind tries going into the depths of that strange unknowing darkness. That fog of confusing endless thoughts that never make any sense. I have to yell at my mind, come back!
And now my body is again betraying me. It is trying to leap out of it's skin and my heart is runnning a marathon! I can't stand this horrible feeling of dread, makes everything seem negative and nothing makes me happy. So now not only does my body want to attack me, it wants to change. Fine then! Get it over with NOW!
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